Why Social Media Made Me Depressed

The first year of my son’s life was by far the hardest year of MY life. I had quit my full time teaching job to become a stay at home mom. My husband had a medical issue that wasn’t diagnosed for several months and then required surgery. He also started a new job that year and we moved into our first “real” home. Did I mention I was also a first time mom and I was breast feeding a baby who never slept (day or at night)?

Brendan and I as new parents with Tate who was one day old

That year was basically taking on all of life’s biggest stressors at once. New baby, medical issues, new job and moving. You maybe reading this thinking, really? This all sounds like blessings and not hardships and I agree. All blessings, no doubt, but that doesn’t mean it was easy and everything went perfectly smooth. Not to mention my family lives across the country from me. I live in California and they live in Texas. They say when you have a baby it takes a village. Unfortunately, my “village” wasn’t close by. I cannot tell you how much I longed to move back home to Texas that year. My heart would literally ache for home.

Tate’s first trip to Texas

I was desperate for help, for a break, for friends, and familiar faces when everything in my life was so new. It was not an easy adjustment for me and I know I’m not the only mom who feels this way. It also took a toll on my marriage. I was just not happy. If you’ve ever felt unhappy, social media is not the place to turn. I say this because it is sooooo easy to make your life look perfect on social media. I mean really though, who is going to make their life look like a hot mess?? No one!!!! I would follow my friends from back home and honestly it just made me feel miserable. I just wanted to be back in Texas. I saw my friends getting to be with their families, and my friends who were moms that had help. I would see posts that would say things like, “So grateful for my mom going with me to my baby’s doctor appointment.” Or, “Thank you mom and dad for keeping our baby so we can have a date night.” It was all just constant reminders that again, my family was across the country. They would occasionally visit, but when they would leave it was really hard. I felt extremely lonely. Almost like I had no one. Ok do you get the point now that it was a hard year for me LOL!!!

My parents visiting us in California

Back to social media. I decided that following friends and family from back home on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram (because I was on all 3 at one point), just didn’t work for me. Not because I don’t love my family and friends from back home, it just made me feel depressed. Back home was where I wanted to be and being on social media was just a constant reminder of that. So I decided they had to go. Facebook was the first one I deleted. On Twitter and Instagram, I mainly followed celebrities and not a lot of people I knew. However, once everyone seemed to join Instagram, I decided that had to go too. I actually still have my personal page, I just never get on it. Again, I just felt like everyone seemed to have the perfect life (including me on Instagram) and it just didn’t leave me feeling happy. A great example of this is a year and a half after my son was born, my two best friends from college flew out to see me. The very first night they were in town (and after a few glasses of wine) I confessed to them how hard the past year had been on me and one of my girlfriends response was “Really? It seemed like on your Insta posts everything was going really good.” And there it is folks, that’s how easy it is to make it look like you are so happy when in reality you could be having the hardest year of your life.

Soon after that, I decided I was done with Instagram. However, I was so passionate about home decor, I decided to start a fun page called “shegetsitfromhermama” (heard of it?). On this Instagram account I didn’t post anything personal, just pretty pictures of my house and my Mom’s house. I also decided that on this page l wasn’t going to follow anyone in my real life, just other home decor pages. I’ve stayed pretty true to that. I really only follow decor pages that truly inspire me, my favorite Insta shops, two friends, three family members and that’s it. So, if you are a good friend and family member and have always wondered why I don’t follow you, I promise it’s nothing personal. I love ALL my family and friends, I just wanted to keep my social media as something to inspire me and nothing to have to do with my real life.

My first SHEGETSITFROMHERMAMA Instagram Post

It’s funny because as soon as I stopped following people from back home, that’s when I truly fell in love with living in California. That is the honest to God truth (no fake fluff here for social media haha)! I truly LOVE it here! It is so gorgeous and there are so many amazing destinations that don’t even require leaving the state. The small little town that I live in has multiple wineries, amazing weather, and delicious and locally grown food, and the people are so nice and laid back. I am so happy here now.

The gorgeous Campos Family Vineyards just minutes from our home

Of course, I will ALWAYS miss my family and my friends from back home, but I don’t think I would move back now even if the opportunity arose. If you can afford to live in California (cause it certainly ain’t cheap here), why in the world wouldn’t you??? It truly is a great place to live! My grandmother grew up in California. It was my grandfather who took her to Texas and ironically, it was the opposite for me. I grew up in Texas, but my husband brought me to California so I almost feel like it’s come full circle.

Another odd coincidence is when I was six years old, my dad was offered a job promotion. He was told he could either go to California or Illinois. In California, he would work in Oakland and his work colleagues suggested that he live in Walnut Creek. Walnut Creek is so close to where my family and I live now. In fact, when my Mom visits, we love going there to shop. Ultimately, he chose the job in Chicago. We were only there for five years, because my Mom was so homesick and wanted to be back in Texas. I feel like if it wasn’t then, it’s now, and one way or the other it was meant for me to live in California.

It’s just funny how life works out and things happen at the exact time they’re supposed to. Please know that I am certainly not a life expert and I promise I don’t think I know better than anyone. But I will say, if you are feeling down, get rid of your social media. You may not even realize it but it could be bringing you down. Or only follow things that truly inspire you. Life is hard enough without comparing ourselves to others or longing for what we don’t have.

If you made it all the way to the end of this post you are a trooper! Thank you for reading this very real and not so easy to confess post.

Love y’all!

Abby